Talks at 3 AM

Charlie was lying in her bed, her body facing the ceiling and her eyes closed. Inside, in her mind, she was counting. Sheep? She didn't know, but she was counting something. Maybe the seconds that passed. She was already on the 1000th. And she was tired of counting.

She got up and grabbed her phone. 3 AM. She was tired of trying to sleep. She wanted to sleep already, if only it were that easy...

Then she got up and went to her computer. It was better than wasting her time trying to sleep if she couldn't anyway.

She turned it on. She hadn't even planned what she was going to do, until, as she went to the home screen, her eyes fell on a specific file.

Laceygames.html

She already knew what to do.

She opened the file, the different shades of pink invading her dark room. She started searching for the girl in the file, playing one game at a time, with no real purpose. She didn't think about what to say to Rocio today, but it's been a while since she last spoke to her. Grace was busy last week, and Charlie had a million exams. Would Rocio miss her? Surely not, but strangely enough, she did. She liked talking to her; she found her interesting.

Rocio was in the misc. fun part of the page, the static slowly numbing her senses even further.

She had no energy right now. Normally, she would mentally torture herself by going through her trauma over and over again, but today, she was tired. She didn't even have the energy for that.

She wanted to get up, but she couldn't find a reason to. She just wanted to rest...but from what? From the suffering? How stupid could she be?

She had to force herself to get up. She couldn't just lie down and do nothing in her HEAVEN when there were SO many things to do! She could do so much right now, and she was just being miserable on the floor! Well, she was always miserable, but she preferred to be miserable doing something, not miserable doing nothing.

But at the thought of going through that hell again, she didn't feel like it. She wanted to cling even more to that part of her heaven. Could it be? Was she afraid? Ugh, she was being stupid! She'd been through that a thousand times, she should have gotten over it by now!

"But... I don't want to see him... I don't want to see his face..."

"So much effort into making this heaven only for me to refuse to go out there?"

"I... I want a break... at least today... I don't want to suffer anymore."

What the fuck was she saying?

"And here I thought I was already broken for good. And now I want to stop suffering? What the fuck am I saying?"

"Just a break, for today, okay? Please..."

“I’m digusting.”

Then something forced her to leave, she noticed someone had entered the page. Cautiously, she went out to see the other person without activating their microphone or camera. There were websites that archived the games, so sometimes it was people who saw Charlie's horror videos and tried to see how scary the games were. Or were just there to annoy her.

But Rocío could tell when it was someone new and when it was Charlie: She skipped over the parts she'd already seen and played extremely fast. While the new ones, well... they didn't. They paused everything. Also, Charlie had this thing of clicking on Lacey... she didn't know if Charlie realized this, but she did it. Often.

So when she saw all these signs, she discreetly turned on her microphone and listened for a while. But she didn't say anything. Then, in one part of Lacey's Petshop, she opened a new tab:

<Charlie_is_that_you>

"Yes, yes, it's me. Don't worry," Charlie replied.

<What_a_relief_I_thought_the_html_file_ended_up_in_someone_else's_hands_and_for_amoment_you_ weren't_saying_anything>

"You don't usually say anything either, half an hour of just us playing hide-and-seek..." she retorted.

<I_love_spying_on_you>

"How scary..." she murmured.

<I'm_scary_aren't I>

"I can’t say no…”

<It's_not_that_I_dislike_it:)>

"Hmm..." That interested Charlie. She didn't mind being scary. And as always, the typical question popped into her head:

"Why? Why do you like being scary?" Charlie asked, as curious as ever.

Rocio appeared in the window. Her face was melting, as was part of her body. She was humming back. He wrote:

<because_I_push_people_away>

"Pushing people away... why?" he questioned her.

<Annoying_people_used_to_come_in_here_you_know¿_at_least_until_Flash_stopped_working_but_even_so,_thanks_to_people_who_archived_the_games,_annoying_people_still_come_in>

"Hmmm..." Charlie thought. She felt like Rocio wasn't telling her the truth. She was hiding something, there was more to it than just "annoying people." But she didn't want to ask her right now, so she'd leave it for her to discover on her own. Then she asked something else. "Am I annoying people?"

Rocio took her time answering. Because really, she stopped considering Charlie an annoying person. She was still annoying, but not so annoying that she was put in the same group as other annoying people. But she liked being mean to Charlie, so she replied:

<Yes_yes_you_are_annoying_I'm_just_already_used_to_you>

“Thanks I guess..?”

<you’re_welcome_Charlie> She smiled slightly.

Charlie was silent for a few minutes, not knowing what to say or what to talk about, until Rocío asked:

<what_happened_now>

“I thought we agreed that I wasn’t talking to you to get something back from you…” Charlie laughed nervously.

<sorry, I forgot.>

“No! No! Don't worry! It doesn't matter!” Charlie exclaimed. "But if you want to know what I'm doing, I was trying to sleep. For the thousandth time. It's annoying."

<it_won't_work_if_you're_on_the_computer>

“I know,I just gave up.”

<oh...>

“...Yeah… Well…”

<?did_you_try_tea?>

"Grace recommended it to me, I'll keep it in mind."

<of_course_it_was_Grace_she_loves_tea_it_was_the_only_thing_she_served_me_before>

Charlie burst out laughing:

"She still only serves tea..." She commented.

<of_course_she_still_only_serves_tea_why_did_I_think_she_would_change_surely_she's_still_the_same_person_as_before>

"She's always been a tea fan, huh?" Charlie laughed a little. "She looks like a grandma, don't you think?"

<?really>

"Can't you see her?" Charlie asked.

<Grace's_camera_is_always_covered._Although_what_she_doesn't_know_is_that_it's_stupid_to cover_it_since_her_camera_was_broken_ anyway>

"Oh!" Charlie laughed a few times at the thought of Grace covering the camera, all worried, when her camera was broken and didn't even work. "How long has it been broken? When was the last time you saw her?"

<I39ve_lost_track_of_time>

True. Rocio wouldn't know how much time had passed; to her, a few years seemed like just a few months.

"And how did she look the last time you saw her?"

Rocio took 5 minutes to reply. Which wasn't long, but people usually reply in seconds.

<Her_hair_was_curly.Orange.She39d_cut_it_but_it_had_grown_back_So_it_wasn't_long_or_short.>

"Orange, yes, her hair is still orange. Did she ever dye her hair?"

<Yes_many_times.shewasonce_blonde>

"Blonde?" Charlie tried to imagine that. Grace being blonde... it wasn't something she imagined every day.

<And_she_told_me_to_stop_dyeing_it_DAMN_HYPOCRITE>

"Yeah... Grace IS a hypocrite, I noticed." She sighed. "It's also her fault too that the games are so disturbing..."

<No>

"Huh?" Charlie tilted her head.

<That's_not_Gracie's_fault.>

"Oh..." Charlie didn't realize she said that out loud. "Rocio..."

<It's_not_her_fault_that_she's_so_disgusting>

"Rocio..."

<I_yelled_at_her_and_treated_her_horribly_several_times_I_was_horrible>

Charlie thought about how to comfort Rocio, because, really, it wasn't ALL her fault. Grace could have done something! But she didn't know how to tell Rocio...

<grace_hid_what_she_did_to_the_games_by_making_it_only_appear_if_you_do_a_certain_thing_in_some_games>

"Yeah, but, you could always... just remove it..." Charlie was cut off by a scream coming from the computer.

“OK, OK!” Charlie exclaimed.”SORRY! I DIDN'T KNOW IT BOTHERED YOU!”

The scream fell silent.

<this_is_my_heaven.I_don't_want_anyone_to_interfere>

“Okay, sorry…”

<I'm_sorry_for_acting_like_this.>

“No, don't apologize for that, Rocío. You're acting that way for a reason. It means it's important.”

<or_that_I'm_exaggerating>

“No, Rocío, you're not exaggerating. If it affects you, it's important. No matter how small the problem is, if it affects you, it's because it's important.”

Rocío fell silent. She was really surprised by Charlie's compassion. She seemed kind even to people she considered shitty (like herself, Rocío.)

<Don't_you_think_I'm_exaggerating?>

"Nope, you're just showing that your heaven is important, and that the idea of being taken away from here affects you. You're showing that this place comforts you. It does, right?"

Rocío was surprised by how kind Charlie was being.

<Yes>

"Well, that's why you don't want it taken away."

<But_don't_you_think_I_was_exaggerating_a_bit?>

Charlie thought about what to say. Well, Rocío didn't have the most normal reaction, but also, we're talking about Rocío. She hadn't had any normal reaction so far; she seemed to be in a very bad state mentally for that.

"I mean... I guess you want to protect your heaven, right? To you, it's a beautiful place, and you don't want anyone to take you away from here. You will do everything possible so that you can stay here your whole life... I don't know why this place means so much to you, since you never told me, but it must be very important to react this way to the suggestion of removing a part of it. Whatever the reason is, I can't judge you. First, because you didn't tell me, and second, I don't know anything about the things you might have been through.” Charlie paused for a moment, considering whether to say anything. But then he decided to continue. "Rocio, you know you're not okay, right?"

Rocio didn't respond.

Of course she's not okay.

She accepted that years ago.

Why was it so hard for her to respond?

No one, no one really confronted her like this. It was always "you're crazy" or "you're insane."

"You're a fucking monster, Rocío."

And Rocio had grown accustomed to the feeling of being confronted like this; it was like being stabbed, like she'd swallowed poison and could feel her death creeping down her throat.

But this was different.

It felt...warm. Like...someone was trying to understand her? Rocio was taken aback.

Rocio quickly shook that memory out of her head and replied:

<Of_course_I_know_that,_isn't_it_obvious? That’s_why_I_made_this_heaven_I_gave_up_on_being_like_the_others>

"...Being...like_the_others...?"

<?yes>

Charlie remembered something.

<trying_to_heal_was_a_STUPID_IT_WAS_NEVER_WORTH_IT.GRACE_NEVER_CARED>

"How do you know that? Have you tried?" Charlie asked with interest.

"Of course I have... but I failed. And now I'm here. In a cage that I call my heaven." But it feels so good... to stop hoping, and let myself drown in my suffering... to stop trying... to not put any effort…I'm so tired…”

Charlie began to piece together the only two pieces of Rocio's attempts at recovery. She probably tried harder to be like everyone else, instead of focusing on how she felt. She probably did her best to be her own definition of "normal."

She had to help Rocio.

"Well... I don't want you to expect to respond and react like someone "normal." You're not normal, and you know it. And also, I want you to know that normal is subjective. There's no true definition, so putting pressure on yourself because you're not normal, besides being unhealthy, isn't going to get you anywhere. Because you'll always be strange to someone else.” Charlie paused, thought, and continued. “What's your definition of normal, Rocío?”

Normal...

Rocío thought. Charlie was right. WHAT exactly was normal?

<Normal_people_aren't:exaggerated>

“Do you think so?”

<Yes>

“Well, let me give you an example.” Charlie thought about what to say “... Look, for example, you have a friend, a very good friend, right?”

<Yes>

“And suddenly, someone threatens to kill him. What would a normal person do?”

<Call_the_police>

“Yep. So, this happens again. What would they do?”

<Call_the_police>

“And it keeps happening, and happening. What do you think that person would do, with all the stress and paranoia that their friend might get killed?”

<Charlie_show_me_a_normal_situation_dammit>

"Shhhh..." Charlie silenced her and then continued. "How do you think the person would react?"

Rocio thought.

<Go_away_with_her_friend>

"Hmm..." Charlie pretended to think deeply. "It could be. But it could also be that she'll demand the police do something, or that she'll take the case into her own hands and look for the person threatening her friend, or that she'll start getting overprotective, and that she'll get nervous at the slightest mention of the threats, or even at taking her friend away from her.”

<What_are_you_getting_to?>

"Do all those reactions seem normal to you?" Charlie asked.

<I_guess_normal_given_the_situation.>

"And why are you less normal? Everyone reacts a certain way based on what they've been through and the situation they're in.”

Rocio felt somewhat overwhelmed by all the kindness she was receiving today. She felt so validated...this wasn't normal. But it felt so right...and so wrong...she didn't deserve this.

It seemed like Charlie wouldn't give up on trying to treat her like a good person, huh? This time she let it go. But...

<Don't_be_surprised_when_you_realize_I'm_a_horrible_person_and_regret_trying_to_help_me_okay¿>

Charlie sighed. She started to get attached to Rocio, and the fact that she thinks she's a horrible person, whatever the reason was, made her feel bad.

"I don't think there are bad people, or good people. We're all the bad guys in someone else's story, and we're all the good guys in someone else's."

<Well_I'm_not_the_good_one_in_any_story>

"Who knows, maybe you're the good one in someone's story!" Charlie encouraged.

<I_haven't_treated_anyone_well>

"Well, that doesn't mean you won't soon be the good guy in someone's story. But let's get that out of the way, because you're not good or bad, Rocío. You're human. And you react, and treat people like one."

Rocío felt disgusted. She was really holding herself back from kicking Charlie out. Why? She didn't know. Maybe she wanted... company? She didn't understand why,why the hell did she want company in her heaven? She wasn't supposed to need it, but now she found herself growing attached to the first person who had shown real interest in her after years and years.

It was strange.

She wanted to get away.

But she felt like that would only make everything worse. If she wanted company so much, why the hell did she want to get away?

<Please_stop>

"What?" Charlie was confused.

<Please_stop_trying_to_pity_me. At least_for_now>

"..." Charlie didn't know whether to continue, or to listen to Rocio. If she didn't, Rocio would surely kick her out of her heaven. So it was better to just do what she wanted, but at the same time try to avoid activities that would hurt Rocio. “Sorry."

<It's_okay_I'm_sorry...>

"Don't apologize, it's okay, really," Charlie calmed Rocio.

Then the two fell silent. It was 3:30 in the morning right now. It was pitch black outside, the only thing illuminating Charlie's room was the computer, that HTML file with Rocio in it.

<Is_it_day_or_night?>

"Night," Charlie replied.

<Early morning?> She asked.

"Yeah."

<you_really_refuse_to_sleep_well_don’t_you.>

"I just can't! Okay?! It's not that easy, and you know it! In fact, you'd know better than anyone!" she exclaimed.

<I_know_but_I_wanted_to_bother_you.>

Charlie sighed, and there were another few minutes of silence.

<when_will_you_go¿>

"When I get sleepy, or when I have to go to college." she replied.

<both_will_take_a_long_time_right¿>

"Yes..." She sighed again. "I don't think I'll get sleepy anytime soon."<

<Then_why_don't_we_play?> Rocío smiled, referring to the torture of the games she called her heaven (although the whole page would also be her heaven).

"Later, okay?" Charlie tried to postpone it; she didn't want Rocío to continue with this constant torture.

<ughhhh_fine> Rocío complained.

More silence. It wasn't awkward. She just didn't know what to talk about, and the two of them were just together...just there, being.

Rocio, strangely, was thinking too. What could she tell Charlie? She didn't want her to leave, but she wasn't interesting (or at least she thought so).

And suddenly she remembered. Charlie was strangely interested in her, and her story with Grace. No matter how...pathetic she was. Did she want another pathetic story? Or was she just asking for a specific reason? That was definitely it. Who the hell would be interested in someone as pathetic as her if it wasn't for a specific reason?

And as if reading her mind, Charlie spoke:

"I want to know more about you, Rocio."

<what_do_you_want_to_know¿¿>

"Hmm, whatever you want to tell me!"

Rocio thought. What good was there to tell Charlie? Answer: nothing. Nothing good had happened in her life. But back again, Charlie said something, as if she had some kind of mind-reading power:

"You know, you can also tell me the bad stuff. It's not necessary, but if you really want to, I don't mind! I'll always be here to listen, Rocio."

Then, Rocio remembered what she told him the other time: her visit to the mall. She wanted to tell her about some other thing she did with Grace, but really, she didn’t go out much with Grace.

<I'd_tell_you_about_some_other_time_I_went_out_with_GRACE_but_I_can_barely_remember>

"Oh..." Charlie was a little worried about that. But she didn't want to show it too much to Rocio, who hated her worry. So, she was going to ask another question, but surprisingly, Rocio spoke first.

<The_games_werent_always_disturbing_I_tried_I.really.wanted.to.make.people.happy.for.a.moment.>

"Rocio...believe me, I trust you. Nobody ends up like this just because. Besides, it seemed like you were trying to get better, right? You were trying to improve yourself, you told me a little."

<yes_but...everything.just.started.to.fallapart>

Then Rocio started telling Charlie:

It was 2006. Rocio and Grace had already released at least 20 games, and number 21 was on the way. Everything was going perfectly well. Rocio felt happy, and she was... noticeably better!

Rocio got out of bed; she was quite energetic today. Enough energy to survive.

She got up quickly; everything was spinning, but that could be fixed with some bread. Then she jumped in the shower, the hot water soothing against her tanned skin.

She got out, dried herself, and put on a white T-shirt and a purple jacket, the ones Grace had bought her. She put on some sneakers that were pretty worn out, but she didn't care, and got out.

She loved the energy she was feeling lately; it felt so good to be able to get out of bed. In fact, she didn't even want to stay in!

So, she'd go through her usual routine. Arrive at the university, talk to Grace about anything, especially Lacey. Study, obviously, because that's why she was going to university, and then go home to code. This helped her feel less anxious. Everything had to go as she'd planned, and everything would be fine.

Yes, her life improved noticeably. This helped her get out of the house. In fact, lately

She went out a lot. She only went for walks, but well, she didn’t do that before.

She arrived cheerfully. She went to Grace, and they talked for a long time. She was smiling. Grace too.

They talked about Lacey; the games brought her great joy, especially the popular that they had become. Rocio loved her fans. There was something about having parents who trusted her that she liked; it felt nice to take care of children this way. Truly, Rocio always despised children, but thinking of them smiling when they saw Lacey made her so happy... She made people smile, and knowing that made her day. Maybe it was her maternal instinct kicking in. This was a good way to take care of children without having children; she preferred this to having children in one way or another. Still, she never wanted children.

They discussed ideas for the next game; it had to be on the way soon; the girls would surely get bored of playing the same 20 games… but, besides, this was Rocio's way of being able to hang out with Grace. They didn't talk often except if it was about the games, and Rocio didn't care that much anyway. But suddenly, Grace changed the subject: now Grace was talking to her about boys. A friend of hers, Philie, had gotten a boyfriend. And Grace was complaining that he was ugly. Rocio continued listening anyway, since Grace didn't usually talk to her about her friends, and she liked listening to Grace talk. She talked about characteristics in girls that made them "lovable" and "attractive."

"Rocio, you have a nice smile, but you'd look better showing your teeth. It makes a girl look happier, you know?"

"Oh, sure. I understand." Rocio just smiled at Grace.

She had spent an inordinate amount of time in front of the mirror. She was practicing smiling. Her smile was horrible; she looked like a monster when she smiled. Suddenly, she burst into tears on top of the sink. Why the hell couldn't she smile like a normal person? Why was she so ugly? Why couldn't she be like Grace? Her teeth were horrible, she couldn't show them, even if she wanted to. Rocio never went to the dentist unless the police forced him to. So really, her teeth were never in good condition. And they never would be. Rocio had a few bad habits that wouldn’t let her smile with her teeth. And she hated herself for it.

Then Rocio continued listening to Grace's rant about Philie's boyfriend. She liked listening to Grace talk, but she didn't like gossip and, in general, hearing about other people's lives. Why the fuck did she care? Yes, Philie's boyfriend was ugly, but it wasn't any of their business.

Then they passed a coffee dispenser, Rocio stopped and proceeded to pour herself "some" in a Styrofoam cup.

"Why don't you make the coffee at home?" Grace asked. "Can't you buy coffee?"

Rocio laughed a little.

"Yes, I can, but free coffee is free coffee, right?" she replied.

"Hmm, you're right."

They continued walking, Rocio quickly drinking her coffee and then throwing it away. Lately, she's been feeling much better than before in terms of energy. As she mentioned before, she no longer felt the horrible sleepiness that made her want to faint right where she was. In fact, she had so much energy that she could do a lot of things in a day.

"Why is that?" Rocio wondered sarcastically in her room, drinking her fourth Monster of the day. She refused to sleep. She didn't want to sleep. She was afraid of all the nightmares she had every time she tried, nightmares of Grace realizing how disgusting she was, nightmares of HIM. Him coming back to life, and telling the police what she did to him. She still feared him. Too much. She knew what she did. She knew exactly what she did. And she feared that. She feared one day seeing him again, and that she would end up in jail. She would be totally defenseless in front of him; she wouldn't be able to tell the police.

So she didn't sleep, so she wouldn't see him. But sometimes she felt like he was watching her, from under her bed. And that fear left her immobile; sometimes she even skipped college because of it.

They arrived at her classroom, and class began. Rocío tended to miss class a lot, so most of the time she didn't even know where she was. But lately, she had stopped skipping because she had Grace. Wanting to see her motivated her to get out of bed and go to school so she could be with her. But obviously, she was also going to study; after all, it was much better to study when Grace was studying with her. That made her happy.

And lately, it was easier to pay attention. She understood everything perfectly, took notes, sometimes even asked questions. Her grades had really improved, and that made her feel good. Overall, Rocio had been in a good mood lately. Sometimes, she didn't feel like talking to anyone, not even her loved ones (Grace, because she was the only one she liked in her life), but that wasn't the case anymore.

Rocio put the pack of cigarettes in her backpack. She had a love-hate relationship with smoking. On the one hand, it reminded her of horrible things, like...him. It was part of the reason she couldn't show her legs, burned and painted gray. It hurt so much, her legs, and the memories, the smell was like going back to that place again...

But on the other side, it felt so good... it relaxed her, made her forget every one of her problems. It made her feel so... GOOD... This is probably why Rocío couldn't run long distances without running out of breath. It wasn't her first time smoking; Rocío had always been a smoker. It was just that she was passive before. Maybe she was always destined to smoke tobacco. She had started smoking to make it easier to leave Tina. The nicotine was similar, but it was less aggressive than Tina when she left.

She’d do anything to feel normal.

(Or anything to make sure Grace wouldn't leave her)

Everything was fine.

"But seriously, my life improved significantly!" Rocío told herself, walking toward the university courtyard with Grace. She was actually happy, she was eating better, she wasn't having so many negative thoughts...

Her negative thoughts... of self-hatred...

She definitely wasn't drowning them in alcohol...

And even if she was, what was wrong with that? Everyone did that, didn't they?

She hated the smell of alcohol; it reminded her of him. It reminded her of the days when he'd come home and she'd hide under the bed.

But God, she loved feeling nothing, not having a single thought in her head, having it completely empty. Who cared about the headache that came afterward? It was worth it to feel some peace in her life. Besides, a few pills and it'd be gone.

She was perfectly fine. She stopped feeling bad about stupid things like Grace not talking to her. All these methods for improving, what someone else would call unhealthy habits, were just things that helped her relax. If they helped her relax, why couldn't she use them?

She was almost at the end of her day; she was in her last class, but she couldn't pay attention. She was a little tired, and her mind kept returning to the same topic: talking to Grace, who was at another table with a friend to help her.

Rocio couldn't smoke inside the university.

But it didn't matter, because she would do her best to pay attention anyway.

She couldn't take a single note. And this frustrated her. Too much. She felt useless.

But it didn't matter. She just had to get through the last part of her day, and then she could retreat to her room and forget about all this.

Then she packed her things. She was about to follow Grace, but she left quickly. And without saying goodbye? She was offended.

Rocio left the last classroom and walked. She was looking for Grace; she was probably with her friends or something.

So she walked and walked. She wasn't in the courtyard, nor in the library, and really, she didn't see her anywhere. Until she went to the exit and saw orange hair with a white cat beanie—Rocío felt stupid. It was the most obvious place.

Then Rocío walked towards them, quickly, as they walked away. But they stopped in front of some lockers. Rocío kept walking, until she was behind a wall, with them in front of it.

Rocío wanted to scare Grace again, as she always did, but she had to find the perfect moment to enter.

Then Rocío took out her headphones, preparing to attack, when she heard something that caught her attention.

"And Grace? What's up with you hanging out with that weirdo Rocío?" one of them asked.

Grace looked uncomfortable, as if she didn't want to talk about this.

"Yeah, Grace, come on, why don't you tell us? Are you just as weird as her? What does she talk to you about? Hm? Tell us! We want to know! Does she have a boyfriend?”

"No, no" another girl interrupted. "Does she have friends?"

Rocio froze. She knew Grace's friends were idiots , she always knew, but she was waiting for Grace's answer. Surely she'd defend her, right? They were friends...

"Rocio? Pfft! I just feel sorry for her, okay? She needs a friend, someone to teach her how to be normal. Besides, it's funny, you know? It's kind of funny to see how pathetic she is."

Rocio froze.

"Yeah! Right? I bet it's funny!"

Grace wasn't like them.

"You know, it's not your fault that Rocio is a total weirdo, Grace."

Or so she thought.

"She thinks she's mysterious, but really, she's pathetic, isn't she, Grace?"

Yes, she was.

"She looks like a raccoon with that ugly makeup... and her hair, my God."

She was just like them.

"I bet if it weren't for you, she'd be dead somewhere."

Grace was just as

Selfish

Indifferent

Fake

Conceited

And selfish

as her stupid friends.

The girls were already heading for the exit, laughing and giggling, making comments about her. Normally, Rocio would do something. She'd jump up and tell them to stop talking behind someone's back, and then insult them. But this time, she couldn't move.

"I feel sorry for her."

"She's pathetic."

"Someone needs to teach her to be normal."

All these years, Rocio thought Grace understood her. That she didn't judge her, and that she could be safe with her.

But they showed her the contrary

All this time, Grace had been making fun of her.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to go and hit her. She wanted to yell at her how horrible she just made her feel. She wanted to show Grace what she did to her.

But...

"I bet if it weren't for you, she'd be dead somewhere."

They were right. If it weren't for her, what would be of Rocio? Grace was her only friend. She was nothing without Grace. Without Grace, who would she be with? No one. She wouldn't have anyone.

And suddenly, Rocio felt a wave of despair drown her.

Grace didn't love her.

Grace hated her.

But she still loved her.

No matter how self-centered, apathetic, indifferent, fake, conceited, and selfish she was.

She would do anything for Grace.

Finally, she opened her eyes. But she decided to close them again. She preferred to close them.

She preferred to cling to the false hope that Grace still loved her as a friend.

And of course she would. Because if not, everything would collapse.

And suddenly, Rocio felt like she was walking aimlessly through life. The direction she was walking toward wasn't real. Not anymore.

<And_that_was_how_I_discovered_that_Grace_hated_me_YAYYYY>

"Oh my God..." Charlie exclaimed. "Did Grace really say that?!"

<I_reacted_the_same_way>

"Oh_my_God..." Charlie repeated. "Rocio, this isn't right. This is horrible... this isn't normal, this isn't how friendships should be. You know that, right?

<but_she_was_the_only_friend_I_had>

"That's worse. How could she do that to you?!" Charlie didn't know what to think of Grace. Everything was getting worse and worse with her. "...I...Do you mind if I talk to her? About this?"

<talk...withgrace>

"Yep."

<after_all_these_years,_talk_to_her_about_this>

"Yes! No matter how many years have passed, we can still solve things!"

<no_charlie.some_things_can't_be_solved.>

Charlie didn't say anything. She was right...but..."

"But this is one of the things that has a chance of being solved! And we can always try!" he exclaimed.

<what_are_we_solving_exactly? And_where_are_we_going_with_this>

"Well, talking to Grace about this, I just wanted to know why she said that, and if it's true. If it is, my God, what will I do to her…”

"No, Rocío, don't start. You deserve a true friendship, someone who treats you well, and not the CRAP that Grace was. Grace was a total SHIT of a friend, and you have to see that. You and her. You because I don't want you to keep blaming yourself for things you can't control, and her because she can always improve as a person! If she really wants to..."

<I_don't_think_she_wants_to.>

Charlie sighed:

"I came here to make changes, and even if I can't, I can always try..."

<Yes_whatever_helps_you_sleep_Charlie>

"Yeah... that's not helping me sleep... in fact, it's... 5:30 in the morning... I didn't sleep at all..." She complained.

<Don't_tell_me_hours_because_I_can’t_remember_anything>

"Right..." Charlie reminded herself.

Then, Charlie looked at the computer for a few more minutes and opened her email. Rocio stared.

To: graceasop13@gmail.com

Subject: May 12th

<Wow_¿you’re_serious_about_talking_to_her_huh>

"Of course. I need answers." Charlie continued typing.

"I want to talk to you about something. I need honest answers."

And then she hit send.

"I'm going to make a change. No matter how small, I'll do it." Charlie smiled. Rocio just stared at her, somewhat surprised.

Then Charlie yawned.

"Ugh...I'm getting sleepy JUST NOW?" She complained.

<atleast_you_go_to_college_on_the_afternoon.>

"You're right...but..." And before Charlie could say anything, as if to force her to sleep, Rocio turned off the computer. But the shut-down screen was different. Instead of saying "turning off" or "blocking," it said something else:

"Good night, Charlie :)"

Well, at least Rocio seemed to care a little, or maybe she just got tired of talking to her and wanted her to stop bothering her.

So Charlie went to bed, put the blanket over her, and, ignoring the fact that the sun was about to rise, slept. Two hours were better than zero.

Rocio was still on the broken part of the page,misc. fun. She thought about everything she talked about with Charlie today. Really, she had to admit, she loved her enthusiasm. And she loved that she never gave up, even when things were almost impossible.

But Rocio knew what she was like. And she knew that one day, sooner or later, Charlie would give up on her.

So she enjoyed the time she spent with her, before Charlie grew tired of it all and left her forever, in the dark, like just another creepypasta, and moved on with her life.

But Charlie wanted to make a change. And she wouldn't leave until she did.